WHERE SCANDAL RULES
A Tryst with Academia: Character Sketch Ver5.147
Beloved brethren,
We are sorry to bring you this caricature sketch, bereft of the expertise
of our esteemed CEOs, Messrs. Mankee and Dummy, as they are concentrating
their skills on their BTPs, and have little time for such trivialities as
the person we are about to desecrate. Kindly bear with this humble effort
of two lowly special correspondents, who may soon be looking for another
job.
We embark upon painting the perilous (but irresistible) picture of the
(tor)mentor of masses, the revered, sacred and simultaneously blasphemous
FGF - by which we mean the Fair(y) God Father (sometimes miss-interpreted
as F*@!ing God Father, or Fairy God F*@!er) - the esteemed CEO and founder
of M&D, Neeraj Dumir. We present here the highlights of the colorful,
chequered career in academia of this don.
Ever conscientious about the academic status of himself and his fellow
men, few remember the FGF's impassioned crusade as "convenor" in MA111.
His eloquent pleas on behalf of the junta to Gyan Bhaskar almost moved
Kundu to tears, so picturesque was his portrayal of the class's problems.
However, GB (so we hear from the FGF) simply turned to a group rep., and
asked HER if SHE had any problem, received a "No!" in response, and
politely told the FGF to stop talking nonsense.
Though shaken, this did not in any way dampen the FGF's enthu. His
miserable bid to become a rep. himself (of EDLC) is well documented in
Jwala. (It ended one night with Vaish telling him to do what he did best,
i.e. go to sleep.) It must be admitted, however, that after this stint in
poltu, even the FGF's enemies and opponents referred to him as the "only
trustworthy guy in the hostel".
But if this makes you think the FGF was naive, perish the thought. On more
than one occasion, he dealt with (and dodged) SKG, who was desperately
trying to catch him napping. The FGF's antics in these classes dispelled
any doubts about his being deficient in political skills. Indeed, it was
at this time that the title of GodFather was universally acknowledged.
The Fairy God Father has a favourite fantasy - that someone some day will
write an article titled "Another One Bites the Dust", in which the various
flings that he has had with partners of all sexes will be narrated. We
wish to clarify that all he did with the partners was the assignments,
and in his own words, "I didn't do anything." Tales date to the days of
yore when the Hogger (aka Haldar) had also become the slogger. The two of
them had decided to do a summer project under Dr. Sandeep Sen and were
supposed to have a date one fine afternoon. It was decided that the FGF
would meet the Hogger in the latter's room in Nil. The Hogger patiently
waited, but his date was not kept. A little while later, the FGF (who just
woke up from his siesta) noticed a huge hulky hog hovering around his bed.
The hog was all tears and said in his melodramatic manner, "Yeh kya
ch******* ho raha hai? Tune kaha tha ki tu mere paas aayega." The
harangue was abruptly terminated when the FGF solemnly told the Hogger,
"You know what? I think you should do this project alone" and resumed his
siesta. Thus the hogger received his first jilt.
It must be pointed out here that the FGF did indeed go for a summer
project and that too under Dr. Sandeep Sen. Only, his partners were Rohit
Dube, Saurabh Mahajan and Ms. Asha Tara Chandani (a 10 pointer from IIT-K)
- definitely prettier choices than the Hogger. While it is not known what
came out of the project, there is overwhelming testimony to the effect
that Dumir handled Ms. Tara Chandani, Mahajan and Dube with immense
dexterity.
It is not just his partners who have had frustrating experiences with the
FGF. It is with mixed emotions that we report that the faculty fared
just as badly. Perhaps the longest association the FGF has had with a
partner was one with Tantan. The two were a happy couple throughout the
DHD pracs, finishing all their experiments well in time. This happy
association made them continue as partners in MuP as well. Unfortunately,
the FGF's love for sleep exceeded his love for Tantan. Out in the CoDesign
Lab, Dr. Taneja would often come and have a look at how various groups
were progressing with their projects, generally give them a firing and
sigh softly looking at the form of the FGF spread horizontally over 4
chairs. Shedding a silent tear or two, he would then make his way out.
This of course was very unlike the first class of Fuzzy Sets, where
discovery of a sleeping Fairy God Father by the instructor resulted in
the FGF having to walk out.
The FGF was made the SysAd sometime in the fifth semester. Ever since, he
has been actively playing xboing and xjewel, always in the quest for new
records. Several players of xboing claim that he cleverly engineered the
high-score file of xboing so that none else could write to it and his
score remained at the top. Though he has ceased doing any administration
a long time ago, he continues to have an account on the servers for
reasons best known to him.
Sometime in the middle of the seventh semester, the FGF took a wise step
(perhaps for the first and only time in his life) - he founded M&D Web
Publishing Co. The stated objective was to bore people "with all sorts of
nonsense about all sorts of nonsense (about all ...... infinite loop)".
But we suspect he derived a sadistic delight from the act by first
sending a mail about some miss-fortunate users and then standing behind
them to watch them blush and squirm, as he did in the case of the Port 25
MISShucher.
We foresee the Fairy God Father continuing to weave webs of intrigue and
laziness wherever he goes, starting from HSS, which he joined in as
pretty a company as he had during that fateful summer when he worked with
Dube, Mahajan and Ms. Tara Chandani. We wish him all success in his
endeavours as CEO of M&D and a happy and blissful life with all his
partners henceforth.
Vaibhav Vaish.
Sayontan Sinha.
Last modified by Sayontan Sinha : Fri Aug 11 12:50:25 India Standard Time 2000